Sunday, June 3, 2012
Dear Abigail,
I'm sitting awake with your little sister Shelby. She is fast asleep and I'm wide awake waiting for you to wake for "the day". She was born, Tuesday May 29th, 2012; exactly six months before your birthday (your dad likes to point this out often). I was very worried about coming home with Shelby. I thought for sure you'd have a difficult time. But like you always do, you amazed me and made me proud. You've coped very well with having to not be held when your upset, and freaking out when you want attention. Although you did have some rough patches, you have had many more good ones!
Bronco calls Shelby "Little Abby". He thinks she is just like you only smaller. You two have grown closer too in the past few weeks. Bronco has won you over with patience and his endearing love and kindness towards you. He gives you his toys to play with, gives you hugs and kisses and tries to make you feel better when you cry.
Another big milestone you reached, and just today, was with Grandma Johnson. You have had a hard time letting her hold you and play with you. Today, however, Gammy came and took you and Bronco for a walk in your new stroller. I don't know what happened on that walk, but when you came home all you wanted to do was play with Gammy. You danced with her, let her cuddle with you when you were sad and hugged her when you were all better.
Gammy Johnson was so happy that you finally wanted to be with her. You made all of us very happy and proud. Your walking is getting so good sweetheart, and you are wanting to explore every place we go. You love to swing now too. We pray for your continued growth daily and always ask Heavenly Father to bless you with strength and courage.
I am excited to see how you are going to keep growing and learning. Well love, I'm drifting off to sleep. I'll write more soon!
Love Mama <3
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Hey Bug :)
It's Easter Sunday today. Families are gathering together, eating ham, playing games, finding treats and remembering our Savior. You and I are home today, this is the second year we have missed out. You've had pretty bad anxiety attacks since your physical therapy appointment last Wednesday. We woke you up when you thought you were suppose to be asleep, and were in a strange place. You still haven't slept well since. You are getting better though :)
Your fit started at 11:00 am today and lasted until you fell asleep at 3:00 pm. So Bronco was picked up by Papa Scott and he and Daddy are doing Easter with Papa Scott and Grandma Mimi. Next year will be our year :) I just know it.
The weather is beautiful dear. The sun is bright and warm, like the feeling you get in your heart when I hold you close and tell you how much I love you. The grass is green and probably feels like Daddy's gruff, so you'll love it.
I imagine it was a day like this when our brother, Jesus Christ, rose from his 3 day slumber. When I think about what He did for us it warms my heart...like the sun. The ultimate sacrifice was made by Heavenly Father, who "gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish but have everlasting life" (*John 3:16). Heavenly Father has so much faith in the goodness of his children, that he sent his only begotten to atone for the sins we might make in this life. He also, to me, teaches another lesson; to be a mother and a father means to sacrifice things you love to be closer to your children.
On a day like today, Abigail, when everything seems to have gone wrong this week, and I have felt bad for not being able to do things with others, it helps to remember that lesson. Times are hard right now for you, and that means I have to sacrifice whatever desires or needs I have, to make sure you make it through (this doesn't mean I don't need sleep once in a while).
I also know, that Heavenly Father doesn't send each of us to this earth without giving us a purpose, a divine reason for being. For me, being the best mother possible to you and your brother is my purpose. I don't know yet, what He has in store for you little one. Or what divine reasoning Heavenly Father has for your blindness. But I do know, however dark your world might be, that so many people will see in ways they never imagined, because of you. I know your father and I already do, and the light that radiates from your blue eyes every time you smile, will illuminate your path through life. Rely on your Heavenly Father, Savoir, and your heart to guide you through life's difficult times and you'll come out more than okay. You are going to be a strong, beautiful woman some day, and I look forward to helping you get there. No matter what sacrifices we have to make, it'll all be worth our while.
Happy Easter Bugaboo,
xoxoxo Mom <3
Your fit started at 11:00 am today and lasted until you fell asleep at 3:00 pm. So Bronco was picked up by Papa Scott and he and Daddy are doing Easter with Papa Scott and Grandma Mimi. Next year will be our year :) I just know it.
The weather is beautiful dear. The sun is bright and warm, like the feeling you get in your heart when I hold you close and tell you how much I love you. The grass is green and probably feels like Daddy's gruff, so you'll love it.
I imagine it was a day like this when our brother, Jesus Christ, rose from his 3 day slumber. When I think about what He did for us it warms my heart...like the sun. The ultimate sacrifice was made by Heavenly Father, who "gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish but have everlasting life" (*John 3:16). Heavenly Father has so much faith in the goodness of his children, that he sent his only begotten to atone for the sins we might make in this life. He also, to me, teaches another lesson; to be a mother and a father means to sacrifice things you love to be closer to your children.
On a day like today, Abigail, when everything seems to have gone wrong this week, and I have felt bad for not being able to do things with others, it helps to remember that lesson. Times are hard right now for you, and that means I have to sacrifice whatever desires or needs I have, to make sure you make it through (this doesn't mean I don't need sleep once in a while).
I also know, that Heavenly Father doesn't send each of us to this earth without giving us a purpose, a divine reason for being. For me, being the best mother possible to you and your brother is my purpose. I don't know yet, what He has in store for you little one. Or what divine reasoning Heavenly Father has for your blindness. But I do know, however dark your world might be, that so many people will see in ways they never imagined, because of you. I know your father and I already do, and the light that radiates from your blue eyes every time you smile, will illuminate your path through life. Rely on your Heavenly Father, Savoir, and your heart to guide you through life's difficult times and you'll come out more than okay. You are going to be a strong, beautiful woman some day, and I look forward to helping you get there. No matter what sacrifices we have to make, it'll all be worth our while.
Happy Easter Bugaboo,
xoxoxo Mom <3
Monday, March 26, 2012
Hey Baby Girl,
This month certainly has been a busy one! We've started with the Infant/Toddler program. Your father and I are learning Braille so we can be prepared to teach you and share in that part of your life. We move to a new house, (it's actually a house, not just a dinky apartment). I know this move might be scary for you at first, you'll have relearn the boundaries, but we'll have so many new adventures to embark on! When we move, I am going to do a blog giving tutorials on how to decorate a room for a blind child, and blog about all the new things we will learn together as a family.
Last week you and your brother got sick. He felt better the next day, but it took you four days to smile and eat again. We're happy to have you back Bug :)! Spring is just around the corner and I cannot wait to begin exploring the outdoors with you and Bronco. Bronco is afraid of the grass. Grass is green, the color of new life, and it varies from soft to prickly. You didn't like to sit on it last summer because it poked your legs, but seeing as how you like Daddy's gruff, you might like it this year!
You have been extremely clingy lately. We know you're learning and growing, and sometimes it can be a scary thing. But your brother needs to be held and played with too. I keep praying that angels will hold you and sing to you, when I cannot. You're going to be a big sister again in June, and mommy's going to need all the help she can get. We'll live just a minutes walk away from Grandma and Grandpa Johnson's, and not too far from all your other cousins. You'll get to spend lots of time with Nana Johnson, since she'll be helping out.
Though things are stressful right now, I know we can get through these harder times. As you get older, things will get easier. I just have to keep reminding myself that these next few years are going to fly by, and I need to enjoy the journey. I love you sweet girl, and pray for you and your brother nightly.
xoxo Mom
Monday, March 5, 2012
Dear Abby,
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I wrote to you on here. Our internet was off for the longest time, and then the computer fried (you thought it would be hilarious to dump your milk all over the laptop). Anyway, the computer is fixed and we have internet again so I have no more excuses. You are a crawling champ right now, and can get anywhere you want using the sounds around the room and your "four feet" :)
Recently you started a program called Infant/Toddler. It's a government funded program that forms teams of specialist specific to your needs. You have a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a mobility specialist and so on. They have all been amazed at what have already taught yourself, but the comment we've been getting the most is about how happy and pleasant you are!
And you are (unless you aren't getting your sleep, but you get that from Daddy). You're 2.5 years old now, your brother Bronco is 17 months, and you have a little sister coming in June. Bronco has been learning to talk like a champ, and he tries to teach you too. He watches out for you and gives me the worst looks when you're upset. Most days you let him try to play with you, others you cry at the slightest noise he makes.
The doctors put you on a sleep medication to help you sleep at night, it worked for about two weeks and then wore off. It was a very nice two weeks for all of us, but it only made things worse now that you're not sleeping again. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of you and your health and will bless you when the time is right (hopefully before your sister is born).
Aside from your sleeping issues, everything else is going great for you. You're eating healthier, playing more Independently, being more social and just the other day you stood on your own and took 5 steps :)
There are many more things I need to catch you up on, and I've been writing in a journal to you while the computers have been down. So I will make a point to put those letters up here too.
I love you sweetheart <3
xoxoxo
Mom
Recently you started a program called Infant/Toddler. It's a government funded program that forms teams of specialist specific to your needs. You have a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a mobility specialist and so on. They have all been amazed at what have already taught yourself, but the comment we've been getting the most is about how happy and pleasant you are!
And you are (unless you aren't getting your sleep, but you get that from Daddy). You're 2.5 years old now, your brother Bronco is 17 months, and you have a little sister coming in June. Bronco has been learning to talk like a champ, and he tries to teach you too. He watches out for you and gives me the worst looks when you're upset. Most days you let him try to play with you, others you cry at the slightest noise he makes.
The doctors put you on a sleep medication to help you sleep at night, it worked for about two weeks and then wore off. It was a very nice two weeks for all of us, but it only made things worse now that you're not sleeping again. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of you and your health and will bless you when the time is right (hopefully before your sister is born).
Aside from your sleeping issues, everything else is going great for you. You're eating healthier, playing more Independently, being more social and just the other day you stood on your own and took 5 steps :)
There are many more things I need to catch you up on, and I've been writing in a journal to you while the computers have been down. So I will make a point to put those letters up here too.
I love you sweetheart <3
xoxoxo
Mom
Monday, July 18, 2011
My Little Abby Bug,
A whole month has about flown by since I last wrote to you! I have been so distracted with your brother and you, I often forget to write! :) You both are growing up so fast and reaching great milestones.
You are getting more courage and confidence every day. Watching you move mountains with your determination to walk and talk is something I know you'll be doing your whole life. You, my dear, are NOT a quitter, you are a doer. Once you have set your mind to something nothing (not even falling and hitting your bum, every time you stand) deters you from that goal. And you are very independent about it also. If your pops or I try to guide you along you slap away our hands, scrunch up your little nose, and plant your bum on the floor! Then you will pull yourself up on whatever piece of furniture you are near, and start all over again, WITHOUT our assistance.
You have enough confidence to turn out from your stable surface and practice taking steps. It is an endearing sight to watch the smile illuminate your face when you take each little step. I just hope baby girl, that you will always stay close to a stable surface in your life. Whether it be God, family or your music which you love so much, keep it close to your heart, so if you should fall there is something to hold you up. I wouldn't mind if all three did this for you! :)
In our lives we all have to fall many times before we realize, who we are and what it is that will keep us from hitting the ground. Some of us fall harder than others (oh the stories I have about me!) and it takes a lifetime of hit and miss to find our solid ground. But, you have quite a few years before all this seriousness hits you! You know me sweetie, my thinking wheel is constantly going!!
Your little brother Bronco just adores you! He watches your every move and gives me dirty looks anytime you cry. As if I am the reason?!!! Sheesh, you two are out to get me sometimes I swear it! ;) He is crawling like mad right now, getting into everything, breaking everything. Maybe he'll learn a thing or two from you about being content with the same toy for hours...? No? I didn't think so either! But I can honestly say I do not mind, even on our crazy days I go to bed smiling that I have the most adorable, loving babies any mama could ask for!
I love you both dearly, and no matter where life takes us, I am glad I have you two, to be apart of this journey.
With Much Love,
Mom
You are getting more courage and confidence every day. Watching you move mountains with your determination to walk and talk is something I know you'll be doing your whole life. You, my dear, are NOT a quitter, you are a doer. Once you have set your mind to something nothing (not even falling and hitting your bum, every time you stand) deters you from that goal. And you are very independent about it also. If your pops or I try to guide you along you slap away our hands, scrunch up your little nose, and plant your bum on the floor! Then you will pull yourself up on whatever piece of furniture you are near, and start all over again, WITHOUT our assistance.
You have enough confidence to turn out from your stable surface and practice taking steps. It is an endearing sight to watch the smile illuminate your face when you take each little step. I just hope baby girl, that you will always stay close to a stable surface in your life. Whether it be God, family or your music which you love so much, keep it close to your heart, so if you should fall there is something to hold you up. I wouldn't mind if all three did this for you! :)
In our lives we all have to fall many times before we realize, who we are and what it is that will keep us from hitting the ground. Some of us fall harder than others (oh the stories I have about me!) and it takes a lifetime of hit and miss to find our solid ground. But, you have quite a few years before all this seriousness hits you! You know me sweetie, my thinking wheel is constantly going!!
Your little brother Bronco just adores you! He watches your every move and gives me dirty looks anytime you cry. As if I am the reason?!!! Sheesh, you two are out to get me sometimes I swear it! ;) He is crawling like mad right now, getting into everything, breaking everything. Maybe he'll learn a thing or two from you about being content with the same toy for hours...? No? I didn't think so either! But I can honestly say I do not mind, even on our crazy days I go to bed smiling that I have the most adorable, loving babies any mama could ask for!
I love you both dearly, and no matter where life takes us, I am glad I have you two, to be apart of this journey.
With Much Love,
Mom
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
My Inspiration!
Abby Baby,
You have been a little soldier lately. Your persistence to stand on your own grows more each day. And today you inspired me greatly. Attempting to stand in your play yard you slipped and struck your jaw on the railing. Blood filled your mouth and you screamed out in pain. I was immeadtely at your side and held you close. In just a minute you stopped crying and let me clean you up. As I examined you I could not see where you had bit yourself. I know that God had healed your wound.
I was worried that your accident would deter you from trying to stand again. But much to my surprise you were back playing and getting on your feet in moments! I didn't know whether to cry or just smile. Here you were, a fragile sick girl, showing strength and ability beyond your illness and teaching your mother yet another lesson.
I cannot tell you how many times I have cleaned and thirty minutes later everything is a mess again. I feel defeated day after day as I watch things I cannot control take the reins in my life. I fall time and time again in despair, frustration and exhaustion. But then I see you, overcoming obstacles and defeating the odds. So tonight I decided to take after you and take charge of what I can change.
Abigail, you would be so proud to see all the work I did tonight. I swept and mopped like Cinderella, organized like a soldier, and loved every minute of it! As I finished I relaxed, I mean really relaxed. I took a deep breath and let it all out. I let out all the stress and depression and sat in wonderment that a little angel like you, brought this out of me. You help me to be the woman Heavenly Father intended me to be. I am amazed at the many lessons you teach me every day.
I guess it's true that we learn more from children than they do from us. You are climbing mountains each day and leaving a glorious trail of light for others to follow. I love you so much and am blessed dearly to have you.
Love Mom
You have been a little soldier lately. Your persistence to stand on your own grows more each day. And today you inspired me greatly. Attempting to stand in your play yard you slipped and struck your jaw on the railing. Blood filled your mouth and you screamed out in pain. I was immeadtely at your side and held you close. In just a minute you stopped crying and let me clean you up. As I examined you I could not see where you had bit yourself. I know that God had healed your wound.
I was worried that your accident would deter you from trying to stand again. But much to my surprise you were back playing and getting on your feet in moments! I didn't know whether to cry or just smile. Here you were, a fragile sick girl, showing strength and ability beyond your illness and teaching your mother yet another lesson.
I cannot tell you how many times I have cleaned and thirty minutes later everything is a mess again. I feel defeated day after day as I watch things I cannot control take the reins in my life. I fall time and time again in despair, frustration and exhaustion. But then I see you, overcoming obstacles and defeating the odds. So tonight I decided to take after you and take charge of what I can change.
Abigail, you would be so proud to see all the work I did tonight. I swept and mopped like Cinderella, organized like a soldier, and loved every minute of it! As I finished I relaxed, I mean really relaxed. I took a deep breath and let it all out. I let out all the stress and depression and sat in wonderment that a little angel like you, brought this out of me. You help me to be the woman Heavenly Father intended me to be. I am amazed at the many lessons you teach me every day.
I guess it's true that we learn more from children than they do from us. You are climbing mountains each day and leaving a glorious trail of light for others to follow. I love you so much and am blessed dearly to have you.
Love Mom
Friday, June 10, 2011
Baby Girl Abby,
Today was PARK DAY!!! You have never been to a park before. A place with green green grass, swings, slides and lots of giggling children. The weather was perfect and all of us were indoors missing out on the blue skies. So dad and I dressed Bronco and you up so cute, packed up the car and drove to the park.
Daddy took turns with you two in his lap swinging in the big swings. At first you liked it but it was too boring. :) So we put you and Bronco into the little swings with the guards. The higher up Daddy would swing you, the bigger you would smile. Bronco wasn't as brave. He really enjoyed WATCHING you swing, but that was about it.
A man was swinging his son next to you and dad. Daddy and he talked for a while and it was exciting for me to watch him make a new friend. Then, Bronco and I sat in the grass snacking as you and dad went on the slides. You loved the soft wind through your hair, the sounds of little voices laughing and most of all spending time with dad.
It was a fun trip for all of us. When we came home, I bathed you and soon after your bath you stole my slice of pizza! I know this sounds crazy because you refuse to eat anything more than baby food. But you have been growing so much! You pulled off the cheese and pepperoni and threw them. The sauce ended up all over your newly washed body and hair and the bread in your tummy! I cannot explain in words how happy I am to see you trying foods and liking them. It is for sure helping you in the weight department.
Overall, today was a pretty good day for you and all of us. Hopefully things continue to look up. I love you baby.
xoxoxo Mom
Daddy took turns with you two in his lap swinging in the big swings. At first you liked it but it was too boring. :) So we put you and Bronco into the little swings with the guards. The higher up Daddy would swing you, the bigger you would smile. Bronco wasn't as brave. He really enjoyed WATCHING you swing, but that was about it.
A man was swinging his son next to you and dad. Daddy and he talked for a while and it was exciting for me to watch him make a new friend. Then, Bronco and I sat in the grass snacking as you and dad went on the slides. You loved the soft wind through your hair, the sounds of little voices laughing and most of all spending time with dad.
It was a fun trip for all of us. When we came home, I bathed you and soon after your bath you stole my slice of pizza! I know this sounds crazy because you refuse to eat anything more than baby food. But you have been growing so much! You pulled off the cheese and pepperoni and threw them. The sauce ended up all over your newly washed body and hair and the bread in your tummy! I cannot explain in words how happy I am to see you trying foods and liking them. It is for sure helping you in the weight department.
Overall, today was a pretty good day for you and all of us. Hopefully things continue to look up. I love you baby.
xoxoxo Mom
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Dear Abby,
I just have to say how proud I am of how well you did at your appointment yesterday! You were out of this world!!! The nurses kept saying, "That is the cutest little girl I have ever seen come through here!" and "Oh my! Just look at those eyes and smile!"
You cried and had a hard time when blood was drawn and with the other tests. But not two seconds after you were finished with them you were smiling and talking. Grandma Johnson held you for the x-ray and you LOVED how cold the room was. But you weren't as happy when they held you down for the picture. You were so good for the doctors and stayed awake for the car ride there and home.
We'll get the results in three weeks. Doctor Swinyard gave us the list of conditions you are being tested for so we can do our research. Once we get the results I'll write to you and tell you about each one.
Nana and Papa Lee are camping this weekend. We are hoping to go up tomorrow but are not sure if our check will be in on time. Hopefully we'll make it! It'll be fun to get outside and teach you about trees and lakes.
Well, I'm off to bed now!!! I'm going to take pictures of tomorrow and describe them to you when we get home!
Lots of love,
Mom
You cried and had a hard time when blood was drawn and with the other tests. But not two seconds after you were finished with them you were smiling and talking. Grandma Johnson held you for the x-ray and you LOVED how cold the room was. But you weren't as happy when they held you down for the picture. You were so good for the doctors and stayed awake for the car ride there and home.
We'll get the results in three weeks. Doctor Swinyard gave us the list of conditions you are being tested for so we can do our research. Once we get the results I'll write to you and tell you about each one.
Nana and Papa Lee are camping this weekend. We are hoping to go up tomorrow but are not sure if our check will be in on time. Hopefully we'll make it! It'll be fun to get outside and teach you about trees and lakes.
Well, I'm off to bed now!!! I'm going to take pictures of tomorrow and describe them to you when we get home!
Lots of love,
Mom
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Baby Girl,
I am beside myself with anxiousness right now. You're appointment is tomorrow...I don't know how I am going to get through it without your father there. Grandma Johnson is coming, but it's just not the same. Your dad has been there for ALL your appointments and his touch instantly calms me down. But he has to work. Things are tight until he can get his education, so he's pretty much banned from missing work. I wish, with every thing, that he could be with us tomorrow.
I want him to help kiss you better after all the blood work. To kiss my cheek and tell me you're okay. I am trying not to cry, but it just breaks my heart to see you have to go through so much. I try to be strong. I heard a quote the other day.
I feel like that a lot. However, I pick myself up, wipe my eyes and smile. I know that right now you need me the most. A day will come when you can be on your own and you won't depend on me. But I know for at least 18 years you will come to me to kiss your scrapes and bruises, wipe your tears, and vent your boy problems. And through all of these things you have to endure because of your disabilities, I will be there through it all. I'll never leave you alone. Not until you tell me you are ready for me to let go.
I am praying tomorrow goes swell! I have asked for many prayers, positive energy and grace from God. Here's to hoping He hears our pleas!
I love you baby girl, and good luck tomorrow!
xoxo Mom
I want him to help kiss you better after all the blood work. To kiss my cheek and tell me you're okay. I am trying not to cry, but it just breaks my heart to see you have to go through so much. I try to be strong. I heard a quote the other day.
"People weep, not because they are week, but because they have been STRONG for too long"
I feel like that a lot. However, I pick myself up, wipe my eyes and smile. I know that right now you need me the most. A day will come when you can be on your own and you won't depend on me. But I know for at least 18 years you will come to me to kiss your scrapes and bruises, wipe your tears, and vent your boy problems. And through all of these things you have to endure because of your disabilities, I will be there through it all. I'll never leave you alone. Not until you tell me you are ready for me to let go.
I am praying tomorrow goes swell! I have asked for many prayers, positive energy and grace from God. Here's to hoping He hears our pleas!
I love you baby girl, and good luck tomorrow!
xoxo Mom
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Dear Bugaboo,
Tonight when I was bathing your brother, you slid yourself off the couch and stood on your own. You were holding onto the couch for support and not me. It was a tender moment. I watched you for a moment and in the middle of my thoughts you lost your balance and fell. You cried for me. I dressed your brother and quickly held you close to my heart. I was proud to see you being independent. In that small moment I watched you standing on your own, I knew that you would always try hard to be that way. And when you called out for me when you'd fallen, I knew that you know I'll always be here for you. I am proud of you, I cannot say it enough. :)
Also, I think you learned today NOT to bite your brother. You leaned over, grabbed his foot and bit him! Instantly he reached out and pulled your hair. Again, you cried for me and I helped you out of that situation. Maybe next time you'll think twice before attacking. You are waking up so I need to put you back to bed. I'll write more soon!
xoxoxo Mom
Also, I think you learned today NOT to bite your brother. You leaned over, grabbed his foot and bit him! Instantly he reached out and pulled your hair. Again, you cried for me and I helped you out of that situation. Maybe next time you'll think twice before attacking. You are waking up so I need to put you back to bed. I'll write more soon!
xoxoxo Mom
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My Little Lady,
Oh sweet Abby! I am pretty much going out of my mind with excitement! You are progressing so fast in your walking!!! Holding my hands, you walked all around the house. Even though you are very small in wieght and stature you are growing into quite the little toddler.
I know that one day you are going to be a little girl, a young woman and then eventually starting a family of your own. I try not to think about this because I realize that when that moments comes for you I will be old. :) I don't dread the days when you grow up and move out. One thing I learned from my past was to hold dear to your heart your loved ones, but don't hold them so close they suffocate. A person can lose children, spouses, and other family by doing so. I am going to embrace your milestones with a smile, happiness and most likely tears. But I will never hold you back from what life has to offer you.
You'll get to experience everything you want to and can do. The weather outside is absolutely gorgeous! The sky is as blue and soft as your diamond eyes and the sun is as warm and bright as your tender smile. Tomorrow when Daddy is home we will all go for a walk and you will be able to feel the sun on your skin, hear the beautiful birds and enjoy the outdoors.
I almost got stung by a bee today! I went to check the mail and a bunch of bees flew at me from under the stairs!!! In the fist place, I am allergic to bees so that isn't good and second they really scare me.
Bees may be really pretty and good for gardens but their sting is mean and painful! Like when you get a shot, except it still hurts after awhile. Hopefully we don't come across and bees on our walk tomorrow!
Well it's bed time, so I am going to have to stop wiring. But I promise to write you again.
xoxoxo love Mom!
I know that one day you are going to be a little girl, a young woman and then eventually starting a family of your own. I try not to think about this because I realize that when that moments comes for you I will be old. :) I don't dread the days when you grow up and move out. One thing I learned from my past was to hold dear to your heart your loved ones, but don't hold them so close they suffocate. A person can lose children, spouses, and other family by doing so. I am going to embrace your milestones with a smile, happiness and most likely tears. But I will never hold you back from what life has to offer you.
You'll get to experience everything you want to and can do. The weather outside is absolutely gorgeous! The sky is as blue and soft as your diamond eyes and the sun is as warm and bright as your tender smile. Tomorrow when Daddy is home we will all go for a walk and you will be able to feel the sun on your skin, hear the beautiful birds and enjoy the outdoors.
I almost got stung by a bee today! I went to check the mail and a bunch of bees flew at me from under the stairs!!! In the fist place, I am allergic to bees so that isn't good and second they really scare me.
Bees may be really pretty and good for gardens but their sting is mean and painful! Like when you get a shot, except it still hurts after awhile. Hopefully we don't come across and bees on our walk tomorrow!
Well it's bed time, so I am going to have to stop wiring. But I promise to write you again.
xoxoxo love Mom!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Dearest Abigail,
You are the sweetest! You're laying next to me, holding my hand and telling me all about your day. It may be baby gibberish and I certainly cannot understand it, but I love it all the same! Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that! :) I love you babygirl!
XOXOXOXO Mom :)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dear Abby,
I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You are such a brave little girl. You have been trying to crawl and stand lately. Even though you have fallen pretty hard sometimes, you get right back up and try again. You've also started playing well with your brother Bronco. :)
It fills my heart with so much happiness to see you two bonding. I can tell that Bronco and you are going to be best of friends. You like it when he laughs and when he holds your hand. You think it's hilarious when he's getting his bath and screaming because he hates it. He gives you the biggest smiles of all. When he's waking up from his nap or bedtime he scans the room until he finds you and grins ear to ear!
I almost gave up on praying for us. I was angry and I needed someone to blame, God seemed like the best option, because He's the one I had been begging for months to help. But now you are sleeping well, and your eating is getting better. Your daddy has a job. It's not the best paying job but it's enough to shelter you.
One of the things I have been struggling with is not having a home of our own. When I was a little girl we moved from place to place, never settling down. I have only really had one home and even then it was short lived. They say home is where you make it, but I dream of us being in a little one level home. I'd love a place of our OWN that we can paint, create lifelong memories, and know for sure we'll always have that place to come home to at the end of the day.
But I must be happy for what we have. Daddy, Bronco and you are my home. Even if we don't have a concrete home, I know I'll always have a place in your hearts and you mine. Spring is on it's way and we have so much to explore together! Memories to paint in our minds and fun to be had! I love you baby girl and I'll write again soon!
Love Mom,
ps Daddy loves you too!
It fills my heart with so much happiness to see you two bonding. I can tell that Bronco and you are going to be best of friends. You like it when he laughs and when he holds your hand. You think it's hilarious when he's getting his bath and screaming because he hates it. He gives you the biggest smiles of all. When he's waking up from his nap or bedtime he scans the room until he finds you and grins ear to ear!
I almost gave up on praying for us. I was angry and I needed someone to blame, God seemed like the best option, because He's the one I had been begging for months to help. But now you are sleeping well, and your eating is getting better. Your daddy has a job. It's not the best paying job but it's enough to shelter you.
One of the things I have been struggling with is not having a home of our own. When I was a little girl we moved from place to place, never settling down. I have only really had one home and even then it was short lived. They say home is where you make it, but I dream of us being in a little one level home. I'd love a place of our OWN that we can paint, create lifelong memories, and know for sure we'll always have that place to come home to at the end of the day.
But I must be happy for what we have. Daddy, Bronco and you are my home. Even if we don't have a concrete home, I know I'll always have a place in your hearts and you mine. Spring is on it's way and we have so much to explore together! Memories to paint in our minds and fun to be had! I love you baby girl and I'll write again soon!
Love Mom,
ps Daddy loves you too!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Baby Girl,
The last two night you have been in bed and asleep by 8:30 pm. It is now 10:00pm and you are still awake... you're going full circle again. I am apologizing in advance for any impatience or frustration. It is not towards you love, but rather this continuous, physically impairing cycle we have been on for over a year. I just want you to be healthy and I want to be healthy to take care of you.
Here's to hoping you fall asleep, I don't think I'm praying for it anymore.
Love you sweet heart :)
Here's to hoping you fall asleep, I don't think I'm praying for it anymore.
Love you sweet heart :)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Spring is in the Air!
Dear Abigail,
The weather has been so beautiful lately! Last week it was 70 out side! I dressed you in the cutest little spring outfit and put her air in pigtails. Once we stepped outside you turned your rosy cheeks to the sun and grinned as its rays kissed your skin! The sun in big and round, like you tennis ball just a million times bigger!!! And it's warms like your bath, but it can be hot like the stove.
Flowers are starting to play peak-a-boo with the gardens and the occasional blue, pink and yellow petals are sure signs spring is in the air.
My favorite flowers are white lilies. They are tall, with one large petal that wraps around the tip of the stem. Some people call them Easter Lilies. I like to put them on the table with some roses and leaves mixed in.
I think about how beautiful all these things look and I get sad you can't see them. But then I smell the sweet pollen and the feel the silkiness of the petals and I am happy again. Happy because you taught me to remember all the good things I seem to forget about God's beauty on Earth. You teach me more than I could ever learn if you had your sight.
I should get going, Bronco is about to fall asleep and you're looking tired too. I love you and I'll write again soon!
Love mom
The weather has been so beautiful lately! Last week it was 70 out side! I dressed you in the cutest little spring outfit and put her air in pigtails. Once we stepped outside you turned your rosy cheeks to the sun and grinned as its rays kissed your skin! The sun in big and round, like you tennis ball just a million times bigger!!! And it's warms like your bath, but it can be hot like the stove.
Flowers are starting to play peak-a-boo with the gardens and the occasional blue, pink and yellow petals are sure signs spring is in the air.
My favorite flowers are white lilies. They are tall, with one large petal that wraps around the tip of the stem. Some people call them Easter Lilies. I like to put them on the table with some roses and leaves mixed in.
I think about how beautiful all these things look and I get sad you can't see them. But then I smell the sweet pollen and the feel the silkiness of the petals and I am happy again. Happy because you taught me to remember all the good things I seem to forget about God's beauty on Earth. You teach me more than I could ever learn if you had your sight.
I should get going, Bronco is about to fall asleep and you're looking tired too. I love you and I'll write again soon!
Love mom
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Love in Strange Places
My Dear Gabby Abby,
You are positively the cutest little girl on earth! And this isn't just prejudice on my part. Everywhere you go people will stop us and spend five minutes saying how beautiful you are and asking about you. Your big smile and star lit blue eyes has made many a persons' day. Even on your grumpiest days, passerbies cannot get over your adorable grouchy face. I have several favorite compliments given to you but my favorite incident involves an adorable three-year-old boy and his innocent humor.
You and I were in the waiting room of an Idaho WIC office. We sat next to another young mother, her infant daughter and toddler son. He kept looking at you and then giggling and whispering to his mom. Finally he gathered his courage and came to say "Hi" . . .
The little blonde haired, brown eyed boy approached us with a shy grin.
"May I please sit by your daughter?" his manners were so adorable and he sounded just like a little gentleman.
"Of course, she loves new friends!" with my response this little man jumped, actually more like leaped, on the vacant seat next to you. And for the next fifteen minutes carried on a one way conversation with you. Then suddenly he jumped and ran over to his mom, climbed up on her lap and whispered sweetly into her ear.
Upon his returned his promptly announced his mom said that he could marry you someday! After a few minutes of playing with you (his newly betrothed) he asked why you wouldn't look at him. I had to explain, in the best and easiest way possible, that you were blind and could not see him.
When I was finished his eyes lit up and a smile spread from ear to ear after which he said, "Wow! Now I'll never lose playing hide and seek!"
And he hid under her chair for a good five minutes excited he was winning the game. But he soon came out and shouted "You found me!" and gave you a big hug!
That day still rings clear in my head; how tender a moment for me to see how you'll be accepted among your peers. I pray that all your future peers will be as gracious and kind to you. Your nap time is about up and I should probably wake you up. J I love you sweet heart and can't wait to watch you grow and develop friendships in this life!
Love,
Your emotional mother! <3
Monday, March 7, 2011
Promises, Promises
Dear Abby,
It's been quite awhile since I have written to you. Your baby brother was born last October. He's quite the cutie. I cannot get over how much I love you both. I was worried that my attention would be divided unfairly between you two. I thought that maybe I'd spend more time with you because of your disabilities or I'd spend more time with Bronco because of his ability to see me.
Well it has been four months since Bronco has been with us and I can honestly say that you both hold equal places in a special space in my heart. You are so darling with him! The other day I was cleaning in the kitchen and he was fussing on his play pillow. I couldn't get to him right away and figured he'd cry until I broke free. Then suddenly his crying stopped and I heard two babies giggling in unison. As I rounded the corner into the living room the scene before me touched my heart so tenderly. You had rolled your way over to Bronco and started playing with his feet, tickling them as you explored his little toes. You are such a good big sister Abby. And we are so blessed to have such a darling, sweet spirit in our family.
Your disability is starting to take a toll on you and us as well. Right now you're not sleeping well. And you're not eating well either. This breaks my heart and renders me totally vulnerable because there is nothing I can do but watch these things happen to you. You've gone from a size 12 months to a size 9 months. You use to weigh twenty pounds but in just a couple weeks have gone down to sixteen… Bronco weighs as much as you do. He's four months old and you are fifteen months. I pray for you sweet heart, I pray to God that he helps us help you.
Your father's been out of work for awhile now and we cannot even afford to make rent or other bills. And we've been really stressed out lately. I know we've been arguing a lot, it's not because we are angry baby girl, it is because we are worried. You and your brother are everything to us and it hurts us more than you'll know (at least until you have children of your own), that we cannot take care of you.
I have so many dreams where I lose you. I wake up crying and come into your room to make sure you're here with me. Then I lean over and kiss your cheek you smile beautifully every time and make me fell all better. It's amazing how such a small person can make such a big difference in the life of an adult.
I have not been completely honest with you sweet heart. I tell you that I am okay and that everything will work out, however, most times I am not even sure if I believe my own words. I struggle with my prayers some nights. I get angry at Heavenly Father. I have yet to comprehend his plan for our family, or for me. My childhood was a nightmare and then I was saved by his grace and sent to a beautiful new family. However, ever since then, I have felt as if He and Satan are playing tug-a-war with my spirit. Satan knocks me down and Heavenly Father always pulls me up. Yet lately it seems like God has forgotten I'm down here, on my hands and knees, praying for him to pull me up again. My only hope is he remembers us soon. I am in fear of completely losing my faith in Him.
But, my dear child, I promise you that I will continue to be strong for you, continue to be your link to this beautiful world. I am just out of sync right now. Things will get better soon, they have too; our well being depends on it.
Sleep well tonight Abigail. Even if it's 5:00 am when you finally close your tender eyes and 6:00am before I am in bed, I am happy to be up with you.
Love Ya Baby Girl!
Monday, December 20, 2010
A Beautiful Lesson Learned
Dear Abby,
I just wanted to pop in and leave you a little note. I finally asked your Uncle why he doesn't want to hold you. He said he's afraid he might cry because it breaks his heart that you cannot see. He loves you so very much and wants you to have everything in life. He is one of my best friends and I can tell he loves you dearly. Hopefully, one day you'll be able to show him that you will have everything you want in life. You are a beautiful baby, and through your disability, you'll become a beautiful woman. One day, if you so choose, you'll make an outstanding wife to a very lucky man and your children will have the best mother in the world.
Today, Papa Scott and Nana Cindy came by and did Christmas with us. They got you a darling little blanket with all sorts of fun things on it. But, it was wrapped in a shoe box covered in tissue paper. We all watched you smile in delight as you played with the tissue paper, loving the music it made. You hit the box and enjoyed it's drum like sounds. You taught me tonight that Christmas isn't about gifts but the JOY we find in them and giving them. Thank you for a beautiful lesson learned dear daughter.
I love you! And sleep tight!
I just wanted to pop in and leave you a little note. I finally asked your Uncle why he doesn't want to hold you. He said he's afraid he might cry because it breaks his heart that you cannot see. He loves you so very much and wants you to have everything in life. He is one of my best friends and I can tell he loves you dearly. Hopefully, one day you'll be able to show him that you will have everything you want in life. You are a beautiful baby, and through your disability, you'll become a beautiful woman. One day, if you so choose, you'll make an outstanding wife to a very lucky man and your children will have the best mother in the world.
Today, Papa Scott and Nana Cindy came by and did Christmas with us. They got you a darling little blanket with all sorts of fun things on it. But, it was wrapped in a shoe box covered in tissue paper. We all watched you smile in delight as you played with the tissue paper, loving the music it made. You hit the box and enjoyed it's drum like sounds. You taught me tonight that Christmas isn't about gifts but the JOY we find in them and giving them. Thank you for a beautiful lesson learned dear daughter.
I love you! And sleep tight!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I promised you that I would be your eyes. So my sweet, through my words you will see. At least this is my hope.
Dear Abby
I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise this morning darling. Do you know that warm feeling you get when I hold you close to me by the fire at Grandma and Grandpa Johnson’s? That is the sun, and this morning it rose sluggish and slow… I guess you and I aren’t the only ones who don’t like being up early. It touched the sky lightly with its glow. Like when I kiss your cheek after you have fallen or when you got your shots last week, and suddenly you felt all better.
After the sunrise I came and in and rocked you while you were sleeping. My heart was tinged with sadness for a moment, as I gazed upon the Christmas tree in our living room. There are so many aspects of this time of year that make it so wonderful. And our tree is one of them. The lights are bright and luminous, you know, like how you feel when you are laughing at daddy? One year, we’ll all go together, over the hills, deep into a winter wonderland and as a family, we’ll bring home our first real tree together. I know you’re probably wondering what hills and winter look like, but that is for another letter, another time.
Okay, I will at least tell you about the snow outside of our bitty two bedroom apartment. Snow is a magical beauty. Your fleece blankets baby, the ones you love to cuddle close to your face and feel their softness, that is snow when it first falls. But it’s cold and you don’t like the cold. Sometimes it becomes hard and slick, like the kitchen floor after I have washed it. And with a special pair of shoes, you can almost fly on the ice as you dance and twirl, this is called skating. That’s all I have for today bugaboo. You’re little eyes are getting heavy and I can tell you need me to wrap you up and hold you close.
Before I go, I wanted to tell you about your cousin Shane. He is Aunt Kate’s son and turns five this year. At your birthday party Sunday night, he came up to me and held your hand. He looked at you and then back at me. And then, he said something that darn near broke my heart: “LeAndra, it makes me sad that Abigail’s eyes can’t see me. I love her so much”. I was strong the whole night, but as I lay in my bed, trying to sleep, I cried. I cried because you cannot see, but I also shed those tears because of how beautiful and happy you are. And I would never change you. YOU are changing me.
Until next time,
Love Mom
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