I promised you that I would be your eyes. So my sweet, through my words you will see. At least this is my hope.

Dear Abby

I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise this morning darling. Do you know that warm feeling you get when I hold you close to me by the fire at Grandma and Grandpa Johnson’s? That is the sun, and this morning it rose sluggish and slow… I guess you and I aren’t the only ones who don’t like being up early. It touched the sky lightly with its glow. Like when I kiss your cheek after you have fallen or when you got your shots last week, and suddenly you felt all better.

After the sunrise I came and in and rocked you while you were sleeping. My heart was tinged with sadness for a moment, as I gazed upon the Christmas tree in our living room.  There are so many aspects of this time of year that make it so wonderful. And our tree is one of them. The lights are bright and luminous, you know, like how you feel when you are laughing at daddy? One year, we’ll all go together, over the hills, deep into a winter wonderland and as a family, we’ll bring home our first real tree together. I know you’re probably wondering what hills and winter look like, but that is for another letter, another time.

Okay, I will at least tell you about the snow outside of our bitty two bedroom apartment. Snow is a magical beauty. Your fleece blankets baby, the ones you love to cuddle close to your face and feel their softness, that is snow when it first falls. But it’s cold and you don’t like the cold. Sometimes it becomes hard and slick, like the kitchen floor after I have washed it. And with a special pair of shoes, you can almost fly on the ice as you dance and twirl, this is called skating. That’s all I have for today bugaboo. You’re little eyes are getting heavy and I can tell you need me to wrap you up and hold you close.

Before I go, I wanted to tell you about your cousin Shane. He is Aunt Kate’s son and turns five this year. At your birthday party Sunday night, he came up to me and held your hand. He looked at you and then back at me. And then, he said something that darn near broke my heart: “LeAndra, it makes me sad that Abigail’s eyes can’t see me. I love her so much”. I was strong the whole night, but as I lay in my bed, trying to sleep, I cried. I cried because you cannot see, but I also shed those tears because of how beautiful and happy you are. And I would never change you. YOU are changing me.

Until next time,

Love Mom